This post will go slightly off-track. I want to talk about an issue that deserves some serious attention. Something that has caused me a lot of pain my whole life. Body Shaming.
I have always had an issue with my weight. Whether it was internal or I was just a food-addict, or both I don’t know. But it has made sure that I have been judged for the way I look every step of my life.
Usually these things start off when you’re a kid. Initially, people brushed it off because I was young, I was a kid. “Let her enjoy life” my parents thought. I was never obese, but definitely overweight. At a certain point, the occasional comments started coming my way. Nicknames based on weight, comparison with other kids who weren’t fat, “compliments” about how “healthy looking” I was. I never got too affected by it, I don’t know why, it never struck me what was happening was a teaser of what was to come for the next 10-15 years of my life. I was always a happy kid and maybe that was part of the problem. I was happy with myself. I didn’t think I was beautiful, but I didn’t think I was ugly. I’m not going to put all the blame on the world though, it was mostly me. My food choices led to my unusually fast weight gain, definitely. But let me tell you something…
THE WORLD IS CRUEL TO FAT PEOPLE.
As a rule, fat people are a shunned part of the society just because they’re fat. I started feeling more and more self conscious. This ridicule, almost this sort-of hatred towards your kind, it doesn’t take long to turn into self-loathing. You want to feel better about yourself, but it’s hard, you try to lose weight. You try really hard, you even succeed sometimes, but more often than not, you fail. And the way to get over this failure lies inside a pizza box, or in a slice of cake or an entire tub of ice cream. A lot of times you end up back at square one. It sucks. That food is the only companion with whom, in those gut-wrenching moments, you find some momentary solace.
When you go out with your friends, people notice the pretty ones. You feel like that ugly thing sitting at the table whose only use is to make everyone else look good. There will come a point when you stop going out, you stop exposing yourself to the world because, well, you feel like an eyesore. Right? Every time you take a bite of food in public, you feel like the whole world is watching you, judging you. Your closest friends & family will crack jokes at your expense. All this not knowing that it is secretly tearing you apart inside, bit by bit.
I know the feeling, I’ve had it for my whole life.
It took me 24 years of my life to get to the point where I realised I wanna get better. And by get better I mean show the assholes who insulted me how wrong they were. When I realised I can’t take the ridicule anymore, and I’m the only one who can change my life. Being fat is not a crime. More often than not, it’s a condition. The only way to get over it is to learn to love yourself. You need to believe that you are VALID. It will change only when you stop hating yourself and when you set a goal for yourself. And when you hit that point, life will change. Life will start to get better. What you need, is someone who will understand your struggle and patiently help you get through it, even when you falter. It will be okay.
For all the haters and body-shamers, you need to understand what your words of mockery and fat jokes do to people like me. They crush us inside. They make us feel like scum. For everybody who has ever judged and ridiculed someone for their weight, I hope you get to walk in their shoes once in your life. It may sound harsh, but it’s the only way you will ever understand what we go through. The body, fat or thin, doesn’t make the person. But the judgement can sure break them. Please find it in yourselves to show some kindness.